MR. PUNCHINELLO: You have not, I believe, informed your readers, one of
whom I have the honor to be, as to whether you have yet united yourself
to any Designing Female. As this is a matter peculiarly interesting to
many of your readers, all of whom, I have not the least doubt, are
interested in your welfare, I would advise some statement on your part,
respecting it.

I trust, my dear sir, that, if you are as yet free, you will take the
well-intended advice of a sufferer, and steer entirely clear of the
shoals and quicksands peculiar to the life of a married man, by never
embarking in the matrimonial ship.

Do not misunderstand me. I lived happily, very happily, with my sainted
BELINDA--it must be confessed that she had a striking partiality for
sardines, which caused considerable of a decrease in the profits of my
wholesale and retail grocery establishment. I cherish no resentment on
that account, but, as you probably well know, one of the discomforts of
matrimonial existence is children.

Sir, I have a daughter, who is considered passably good-looking by
certain appreciative individuals. Since the unfortunate demise of my
lamented wife, the profits of the mercantile establishment of which I am
proprietor have largely increased, and as REBECCA is my only child,
there is a considerable prospect of her bringing to the man who espouses
her, a comfortable dowry, and probably a share in my business.

I keep no man-servant, and after my daughter retires--generally at the
witching hour of two in the morning,--I am obliged to hobble down
stairs, extinguish the lights, cover the fire, lock up the house, and