It was night, but not late, not more than ten o'clock, the household
still astir. Everything was quiet,--not the solemnity of midnight
silence, in which there is always something of mystery, but the
soft-breathing quiet of the evening, full of the faint habitual sounds of
a human dwelling, a consciousness of life about. And I was very busy with
my figures, interested, feeling no room in my mind for any other thought.
The singular experience which had startled me so much had passed over
very quickly, and there had been no return. I had ceased to think of it;
indeed, I had never thought of it save for the moment, setting it down
after it was over to a physical cause without much difficulty. At this
time I was far too busy to have thoughts to spare for anything, or room
for imagination; and when suddenly in a moment, without any warning, the
first symptom returned, I started with it into determined resistance,
resolute not to be fooled by any mock influence which could resolve
itself into the action of nerves or ganglions. The first symptom; as
before, was that my heart sprang up with a bound, as if a cannon had been
fired at my ear. My whole being responded with a start. The pen fell out
of my fingers, the figures went out of my head as if all faculty had
departed; and yet I was conscious for a time at least of keeping my
self-control. I was like the rider of a frightened horse, rendered almost
wild by something which in the mystery of its voiceless being it has
seen, something on the road which it will not pass, but wildly plunging,
resisting every persuasion, turns from, with ever-increasing passion. The
rider himself after a time becomes infected with this inexplainable
desperation of terror, and I suppose I must have done so; but for a time
I kept the upper hand. I would not allow myself to spring up as I wished,
as my impulse was, but sat there doggedly, clinging to my books, to my
table, fixing myself on I did not mind what, to resist the flood of
sensation, of emotion, which was sweeping through me, carrying me away. I
tried to continue my calculations. I tried to stir myself up with