fine imposed (by DORA) for improper use of firearms; ditto (by the
Magistrate) for shooting game without a licence; alleged damage to the
P.P. premises and the remaining wits of their custodian; and finally,
the bill from Mr. Perkins for a pound of pork purchased in July, and
the account from Dr. Jones for professional attendance subsequent to
consumption of same--adding all these together I find that from first
to last I disbursed £385 5s. 5-1/2d. on the patriot.

With pork at two shillings a pound my outlay should have produced a
pig that weighed 1 ton 14-1/2 cwt. Truly that would have been a very
Hindenburg of a pig. It was almost worth trying.

* * * * *

OUR EUPHEMISTS.

"General Servant wanted, by middle of February; no small
family."_--Oxford Times_.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Proprietor (to assistant recently released from the
Army)._ "WHY, WHATEVER MADE YOU OFFER TO SEND THE GOODS HOME FOR HER?
ANY FOOL COULD TELL YOU'VE BEEN OUT OF CIVILISATION DURING THE WAR."]

* * * * *

TO THE SPEAKER ON HIS RE-ELECTION.

Good Mr. SPEAKER, in this troublous time,