cast a look at the Rumford grate; its black cold bars "grinned most
horrible and ghastly." A sympathy was instantly established between them
and my nasal organ, for I found a drop of pure crystal pendant from its
extremity. Here, thought I, is an admirable question for "_The Plain Why
and Because_." _Why_ does a drop of water hang from the nose on a frosty
morning? Because the natural heat of the body sends up vapour into the
head, and that being exposed most to cold, the vapour condenses, and a
drop of water runs from the nostril, as it would do from the head of a
still. Upon looking at anything very cold, sympathy excites the same
action. This "Why and Because" was succeeded by another--Why does my
fire-grate grin so coldly? Because you will not be "done for," else Eliza
could have raised a flame there for you an hour ago. The truth of this
reply was so forcible that I resolved to "do for myself" without delay,
and evolve the "grand agent." I went to the door, expecting to see my
usual supply of fuel; none was to be found. What means this? said I, and
was about to make my wants known, but changed my intent as quickly, and
being a little excited by such neglect, determined not to be dependent
upon the domestics, but make a fire of my own. Now then for the materials.
Paper, as all persons know, who have "lit their own fires," is the
foundation; it was also mine: sundry letters in reply to sundry
unsuccessful applications written on "thick double laid post," as the
advertisements say, I seized upon, and thrust their crumpled forms between
the sooty bars of the grate with some wood, the model of a mechanical
invention of my own, which had been rejected by a Society, and why, I knew
not; I severed limb from limb, and disposed their fragments across and
athwart on the letters previously mutilated. How to obtain my coal posed
me for a moment; but I recollected that in a geological cabinet under my
window, I was the possessor of a mass of pure Staffordshire, weighing some
twenty pounds. The doors of the cabinet flew open, and out it came; I had
a strong affection for this lump of coal, having extracted it myself from