myself, feeling convinced it is a better joke to come to dinner thus
unbidden than by solemn invitation.

Be seated,[29] then (replied the host). The company are fully fed on
serious thoughts, you see, if somewhat starved of food for laughter.

[29] Lit. "Pray, find a couch then."

The feast proceeded; and, if only to discharge the duty laid upon him
at a dinner-party, Philippus must try at once to perpetrate a jest.
Failing to stir a smile, poor fellow, he made no secret of his
perturbation. Presently he tried again; and for the second time the
joke fell flat. Whereat he paused abruptly in the middle of the
course, and muffling up his face, fell prostrate on the couch.

Then Callias: What ails you, sirrah? Have you the cramp? the
toothache? what?

To which the other heaving a deep groan: Yes, Callias, an atrocious
ache; since laughter has died out among mankind, my whole estate is
bankrupt.[30] In old days I would be asked to dinner to amuse the
company with jests.[31] Now all is changed, and who will be at pains
to ask me out to dinner any more? I might as well pretend to be
immortal as to be serious. Nor will any one invite me in hopes of
reclining at my board in his turn. Everyone knows so serious a thing
as dinner in my house was never heard of; it's against the rules--the
more's the pity.

[30] Cf. "Cyrop." VI. i. 3; Plat. "Laws," 677 C.