"These are HERBIE and JACK," says their mother, who ought to know.
Thank Heaven, _they_ are not my pupils!

Mrs. BRISTOL MERCHANT horrifies me by saying--

"I thought it would be so nice, when you were teaching ERNIE, _if_
HERBIE _and_ JACK _could be taught too!_ And after lessons you will
be able to take them such nice long walks in the neighbourhood! It's
really very pretty country, Mr.--I forget your name."

Oh, certainly, the President was quite right. She _is_ very
uncultivated. That ever I was born to cultivate her--or her precious
offspring! But was I? Time must show.

[Illustration: SARTORIAL EUPHUISMS.

"MEASUREMENTS ABOUT THE SAME AS THEY USED TO BE, SNIPPE?"

"YES, SIR. CHEST A TRIFLE _LOWER DOWN_, SIR, THAT'S ALL!"]

* * * * *

AN ARGUMENTUM AD POCKETUM.

[The Rev. B. MEREDYTH-KITSON called the attention of the
London School Board to the action of Mr. MONTAGU WILLIAMS,
who, being appealed to by "a respectable-looking woman" for
the remission of a fine of five shillings imposed upon her
husband for neglecting to send their children to school, gave
her five shillings out of the poor-box to pay it, on finding