"The table is the only place where one is not bored for the first hour."


Every rose has its thorn
There's fuzz on all the peaches.
There never was a dinner yet
Without some lengthy speeches.


Joseph Chamberlain was the guest of honor at a dinner in an important
city. The Mayor presided, and when coffee was being served the Mayor
leaned over and touched Mr. Chamberlain, saying, "Shall we let the
people enjoy themselves a little longer, or had we better have your
speech now?"


"Friend," said one immigrant to another, "this is a grand country to
settle in. They don't hang you here for murder."

"What do they do to you?" the other immigrant asked.

"They kill you," was the reply, "with elocution."


When Daniel got into the lions' den and looked around he thought to
himself, "Whoever's got to do the after-dinner speaking, it won't be
me."