ALARM CLOCKS


MIKE (in bed, to alarm-clock as it goes off)--"I fooled yez that time. I
was not aslape at all."




ALERTNESS


"Alert?" repeated a congressman, when questioned concerning one of his
political opponents. "Why, he's alert as a Providence bridegroom I heard
of the other day. You know how bridegrooms starting off on their
honeymoons sometimes forget all about their brides, and buy tickets only
for themselves? That is what happened to the Providence young man. And
when his wife said to him, 'Why, Tom, you bought only one ticket,' he
answered without a moment's hesitation, 'By Jove, you're right, dear!
I'd forgotten myself entirely!'"




ALIBI