"How fast is your car, Jimpson?" asked Harkaway.

"Well," said Jimpson, "it keeps about six months ahead of my income
generally."


"What is the name of your automobile?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know? What do your folks call it?"

"Oh, as to that, father always says 'The Mortgage'; brother Tom calls it
'The Fake'; mother, 'My Limousine'; sister, 'Our Car'; grandma, 'That
Peril'; the chauffeur, 'Some Freak,' and our neighbors, 'The
Limit.'"--_Life_.


"What little boy can tell me the difference between the 'quick' and the
'dead?'" asked the Sunday-school teacher.

Willie waved his hand frantically.

"Well, Willie?"

"Please, ma'am, the 'quick' are the ones that get out of the way of
automobiles; the ones that don't are the 'dead.'"


"Do you have much trouble with your automobile?"