MANAGER (five-and-ten-cent store)--"What did the lady who just went out
want?"

SHOPGIRL--"She inquired if we had a shoe department."


"Hades," said the lady who loves to shop, "would be a magnificent and
endless bargain counter and I looking on without a cent."


Newell Dwight Hillis, the now famous New York preacher and author, some
years ago took charge of the First Presbyterian Church of Evanston,
Illinois. Shortly after going there he required the services of a
physician, and on the advice of one of his parishioners called in a
doctor noted for his ability properly to emphasize a good story, but who
attended church very rarely. He proved very satisfactory to the young
preacher, but for some reason could not be induced to render a bill.
Finally Dr. Hillis, becoming alarmed at the inroads the bill might make
in his modest stipend, went to the physician and said, "See here,
Doctor, I must know how much I owe you."

After some urging, the physician replied: "Well, I'll tell you what I'll
do with you, Hillis. They say you're a pretty good preacher, and you
seem to think I am a fair doctor, so I'll make this bargain with you.
I'll do all I can to keep you out of heaven if you do all you can to
keep me out of hell, and it won't cost either of us a cent. Is it a go?"