by about eight hundred majority. I was the worst disappointed of any
man you ever saw. I had repeaters around at the polls, too, voting for
the Democratic candidate, and I paid four of the judges to falsify the
returns, so as to elect him. But it was no use; the majority was too
big. And on election night the Republican executive committee came
round to serenade me, and as soon as the band struck up I opened on
them with a shot-gun and wounded the bass drummer in the leg. But they
kept on playing; and after a while, when they stopped, they poked some
congratulatory resolutions under the front door, and gave me three
cheers and went home. I was never so annoyed in my life.

"Then they sent me round my certificate of election, but I refused to
receive it; and those fellows seized me and held me while Harry Hammer
pushed the certificate into my coat-pocket, and then they all quit.
The next day a man was run over on the railroad, and they wanted me to
tend to him. But I was angry, and I wouldn't. So what does the sheriff
do but come here with a gang of police and carry me out there by
force? And he hunted up a jury, which brought in a verdict. Then they
wanted me to take the fees, but I wouldn't touch them. I said I wasn't
going to give my sanction to the proceedings. But of course it was
no use. I thought I was living in a free country, but I wasn't. The
sheriff drew the money and got a mandamus from the court, and he came
here one day while I was at dinner. When I said I wouldn't touch a
dollar of it, he drew a pistol and said if I didn't take the money
he'd blow my brains out. So what was a man to do? I resigned fifteen
times, but somehow those resignations were suppressed. I never heard
from them. Well, sir, at last I yielded, and for three years I kept
skirmishing around, perfectly disgusted, meditating over folks that
had died suddenly.