have some kind of an indistinct idea how long it would take you to run
the ocean through your pump."

"I dunno, I'm sure," said Bradley.

"Well, I merely wanted to say that, whatever your calculations
respecting the number of gallons in the Atlantic, it is perfectly
useless for you to try to load up that ocean in this vessel. She won't
hold more'n half of it."

"What do you mean, sir?" demanded Bradley.

"Why, I mean that that diabolical pump of yours, instead of taking out
the bilge, has been spurting water into this vessel for the past four
hours, and that if you have a theory that you can strike dry land by
that process it is ingenious, but it won't work, for it's going to
sink this ship."

Then the captain swore till the air was blue. Then he put Bradley in
irons, and ripped out his pump, and unpacked the boats, and pumped out
the water, and picked up the codfish and porpoises, and set sail for
home for the purpose of making a report on the subject of the new
invention. The Bradley Improved Marine Steam-pump went right out of
use at the end of the voyage.

Another invention of Bradley's was a scientific system of foretelling
the weather. He had a lot of barometers, hygrometers and such things
in his house, and he claimed that by reading these intelligently
and watching the clouds, in accordance with his theory, a man could
prophesy what kind of weather there would be three days ahead. They