When first I knew CH-RL-S ST-RT,
'Twas in a happier day,
The Jaunting Car he drove in
Went gaily all the way.
But now the Car seems all askew,
Lop-wheel'd, and slack of spring;
Myself and WILL, in fear of a spill,
Feel little disposed to sing,
As we sit on the Jaunting Car,
The drivers at open war,
Seem little to care
For a Grand Old Fare,
As they fight for the Jaunting Car.

CH-RL-S ST-RT at one rein, Sir,
And J-ST-N at the other.
Give prospect small of progress
In pummelling one another.
As Honest JOHN my chance is gone
Of helping ill-used PAT,
If the Union of Hearts in Shindy starts,
And the Message of Peace falls flat.
WILL and I on the Jaunting Car,
With the couple of Jarvies at war,
Are sad to our souls,
Wherefore win at the polls
If we lose on the Jaunting Car?

In battle's wild commotion,
With proud and hostile SM-TH,