say, threat us. 'Ye whelps,' says Lord Char-les Beresford an' Roodyard
Kipling an' Tiddy Rosenfelt an' th' other Anglo-Saxons. 'Foolish an'
frivolous people, cheap but thrue-hearted an' insincere cousins,' they
says. ''Tis little ye know about annything. Ye ar-re a disgrace to
humanity. Ye love th' dollar betther thin ye love annything but two
dollars. Ye ar-re savage, but inthrestin'. Ye misname our titles. Ye
use th' crool Krag-Jorgensen instead iv th' ca'm an' penethratin'
Lee-Metford. Ye kiss ye'er heroes, an' give thim wurruk to do. We
smash in their hats, an' illivate thim to th' peerage. Ye have
desthroyed our language. Ye ar-re rapidly convartin' our ancesthral
palaces into dwellin'-houses. Ye'er morals are loose, ye'er dhrinks
ar-re enervatin' but pleasant, an' ye talk through ye'er noses. Ye
ar-re mussy at th' table, an' ye have no religion. But ye ar-re whelps
iv th' ol' line. Those iv ye that ar-re not our brothers-in-law we
welcome as brothers. Ye annoy us so much ye must be mimbers iv our own
fam'ly. Th' same people that is washed occasionally be th' Mississippi
as it rowls majistic along th' imperyal States iv Oheeho an' Duluth,
wathrin' th' fertyle plains iv Wyoming an' Mattsachusetts, is to be
found airnin' a livin' on th' short but far more dirtier Thames. We
have th' same lithrachoor. Ye r-read our Shakspere so we can't
undherstand it; an' we r-read ye'er aspirin' authors, Poe an' Lowell
an' Ol' Sleuth th' Detective. We ar-re not onfamilyar with ye'er
inthrestin' histhry. We ar-re as pr-roud as ye are iv th' achievements
iv Gin'ral Shafter an' Gin'ral Coxey. Ye'er ambass'dures have always
been kindly received; an', whether they taught us how to dhraw to a
busted flush or wept on our collars or recited original pothry to us,
we had a brotherly feelin' for thim that med us say, "Poor fellows,
they're doin' th' best they can." 'So,' says they, 'come to our
ar-ams, an' together we'll go out an' conquer th' wurruld.'