[Illustration: TROP DE ZÈLE.

(_An Aristocratic Tip._)

_The New Companion_ (_fresh from Girtham College_). "YES, LADY JANE,
I SAW _H_ER, WITH _H_ER _H_ABITUAL _H_YPOCRISY _H_OLDING OUT _H_ER
_H_AND TO _H_IS AS _H_E WAS _H_ARANGUING AT _H_IS _H_OTEL--"

_Lady Jane._ "GOOD GRACIOUS, CHILD, DON'T STICK IN YOUR H'S SO
CAREFULLY AS ALL THAT! PEOPLE WILL THINK YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER
DROPPED 'EM, AND THAT YOU'RE TRYIN' TO PICK 'EM UP!" [_And People
wouldn't be very far wrong._]

* * * * *

LADY GAY'S SELECTIONS.

DEAR MR. PUNCH,--Of my two selections to supply the last Horse in the
Derby--one--_La Flêche_, so far forgot what was due to my prophetic
utterances as to finish _second_--and indeed, very nearly _win_!
However, as such reprehensible conduct was mainly owing to the absurd
wish of her jockey, BARRETT, to be first, my readers will see that no
blame attaches to _me_--as the mare would doubtless not have hurried
so much had she been left to her own devices--(the sex notoriously
dislikes hurry)--it being a well-known fact that she would make a
race with a donkey!--though why donkey races should be spoken of with
such contempt. I don't know, for I once rode one with Lord ARTHUR
on Hampstead Heath--(it was during our engagement, when people will
do foolish things; we had been "slumming," and he was disguised in
"pearlies," whilst I was gowned "_à la_ 'ARRIETT")--and I assure you