FOR THE LIFE OF ME MAKE OUT WHAT A _R_, A _S_, A _V_, AND A _P_ MEAN
ON THIS 'ERE CARD!"

_Smart Housemaid_. "WHY, OF COURSE IT MEANS THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE
_R_UMP _S_TEAK AND _V_EAL _P_IE!"]

* * * * *

ELECTION NOTES.

(_BY MR. PUNCH'S SPECIAL COMMISSIONER._)

DEAR SIR,--I am glad you consented eventually to the terms I
proposed. After all, £100 a-week (_and expenses_) is a mere trifle
for the arduous work I expect to do for you. According to your
instructions, I arrived three nights ago in the ancient borough of
Bunkham-on-the-Marsh, and at once took steps to pursue those inquiries
which are necessary for a satisfactory estimate of the political
situation. My experience as a lightning change _artiste_ is quite
invaluable. I visit the Liberal Committee-rooms, and attend Liberal
meetings in a complete suit of corduroys and horny hands. Five minutes
afterwards I find myself in a military moustache, a frock coat,
and patent leather boots at the Conservative head-quarters. In the
former disguise I enthusiastically advocate the Newcastle Programme,
and denounce the base minions of Coercion. In the latter I rouse
Conservative partisans to frenzy by my impassioned appeals on behalf
of one Queen, one Flag, one Empire, and a policy of enlightened
Conservative progress. I can highly recommend my two perorations, in
one of which I consign Mr. GLADSTONE to eternal infamy, while in the
other I hold up Lord SALISBURY to the derision of mankind.