[Illustration: "'Neat' Handed Phyllis."

"A contribution to the Alcohol Question."]

1. Inebriates should be shut up in Alcoholloway Prison.

2. "_Food-accessory_" is a very pretty name for drink. Henceforth let
the butler go round as "the merry toast goes round." Let butlers and
footmen, in dining-rooms and places where they have various liquors,
be instructed to inquire of each and every guest "What food-accessory
will you take, Sir?"

3. "_The use of Alcohol dates from very early times._" But it is not
recommended by the faculty as a good thing to be taken at 7 A.M., or
at any time in the morning immediately on awaking.

As to when any one has had enough "alcohol," the old test first
put forward many years ago by _Mr. Punch_, still holds good. If
you can say "British Constitution" distinctly, and without effort,
so that it shall not be all in one composite word sounding like
"Bri'sh-conshushun," then, perhaps, you may go up-stairs (if you can)
and join the ladies.

4. "_The liver is very prone to become affected._" The question is,
first, Is "an evil liver" or "a good liver" here intended? But, apart
from this, any affectation in a liver, good or bad, is objectionable.
It must be taken for granted, in a serious discussion on the subject,
that "a slave to his liver" is a synonym for "a livery servant." The
one objection to a livery servant lies in this very fact; for a slave
to liver is rarely in a good humour, and is generally sulky, lazy, and