It would be a satisfaction to feel that one or the other of us has at
last succeeded in picking a winner."


A Scottish gentleman on a trip to New Orleans went to see his first
horse-race. He was feeling very reckless, and decided to risk one
dollar, choosing a forty-to-one shot, as that looked like the largest
percentage of gain. By a miracle his horse won, and upon handing his
ticket to the bookmaker, he received forty dollars.

"Do I get all this for my dollar?" he asked. Upon being assured that
he did, he exclaimed. "Hoots! how long has this been going on?"


Little Pat and big Mike had had a dispute, when Mike in contempt said:
"Ye little runt, Oi bet I could carry yez up to the fifth story in me
hod."

Pat immediately took up the bet, saying: "I'd loike to see ye thry
thot same. I'll bet yez fifty cints on it."

Before he knew it Mike had him in his hod and was going up the ladder.
When he got to the fourth story his foot slipped and he almost fell.
He regained his footing, however, and reached the fifth story in
triumph.

"Oi won!" he said.

"Yez did thot," said Pat, "but Oi had high hopes when yer foot
slipped."