when at home, was in the habit of eating a joint of a vassal, or tenant
when his appetite was dainty.


Swift.--A gentleman, at whose house Swift was dining in Ireland, after
dinner introduced remarkably small hock glasses, and at length, turning to
Swift, addressed him,--"Mr. Dean, I shall be happy to take a glass of hic,
hæc, hoc, with you." "Sir," rejoined the doctor, "I shall be happy to
comply, but it must be out of a _hujus_ glass."


Swift, having a shoulder of mutton too much done brought up for his dinner,
sent for the cook, and told her to take the mutton down, and do it less.
"Please your honour, I cannot do it less." "But," said the dean, "if it had
not been done enough, you could have done it more, could you not?" "Oh,
yes, sir, very easily." "Why, then," said the dean, "for the future, when
you commit a fault, let it be such a one as can be mended."




DOCTORS.


Making Things Better.--A rich man sent to call a physician for a slight
disorder. The physician felt his pulse, and said, "Do you eat well?" "Yes,"
said the patient. "Do you sleep well?" "I do." "Oh, then," said the
physician, "I must give you something to take away all that."