struction of a tablecloth or a pinafore, and I have ob-
served them greasing a ladder with soap, showing in the
process a great knowledge of the properties of this
material."

"Why shouldn't they, to be sure?" said Meehawl
MacMurrachu. "Have you got a match, sir?"

"I have not," said the Philosopher. "Sparrows, again,
are a highly acute and reasonable folk. They use water
to quench thirst, but when they are dirty they take a dust
bath and are at once cleansed. Of course, birds are often
seen in the water, but they go there to catch fish and not
to wash. I have often fancied that fish are a dirty, sly,
and unintelligent people--this is due to their staying so
much in the water, and it has been observed that on being
removed from this element they at once expire through
sheer ecstasy at escaping from their prolonged wash-
ing."

"I have seen them doing it myself," said Meehawl.
"Did you ever hear, sir, about the fish that Paudeen
MacLoughlin caught in the policeman's hat."

"I did not," said the Philosopher. "The first person
who washed was possibly a person seeking a cheap no-
toriety. Any fool can wash himself, but every wise man
knows that it is an unnecessary labour,for nature will
quickly reduce him to a natural and healthy dirtiness
again. We should seek, therefore, not how to make our-