be otherwise, because the welfare of the children was really sought, in
all love and truth, and the highest and best obtainable at that day was
desired on their behalf. The family did not venture to press the post
upon me personally, knowing my love of freedom and independence.

So stood matters for several months. At last, moved by my earnest
affection for the lads, and by my care to deserve the confidence with
which their mother had entrusted to my hands the provision for their
education, I endeavoured to look at things from the point of view of
their parents. This brought me at last to the determination to become
myself the educator and teacher of the lads. After a hard struggle with
myself, the hardest and most exhausting I had undergone for a long time,
I made known my decision. It was thankfully received, and understood
quite in the spirit which had actuated me in forming it.

I communicated my decision to Gruner, with whom I still kept in the
friendliest relation. He looked at me with downright astonishment, and
said, "You will lose all hopes of the position you have so long sought
and waited for." I replied that I should protect myself as to my
position and my relations with others by a very definite written
contract. To which the man of experience retorted, "Certainly, and
everything will be punctually fulfilled, so that you cannot say that any
one condition of all those you stood out so firmly for has failed to be
observed; nevertheless you will find you will lose on all points." So
spake experienced shrewdness, and what had I to set against it? I spoke
of the educational necessities and wants of these children. "Good," said
he, "then you will leave your own educational necessities and your own
wants out of the question?" How it mortified me, that worldly wisdom
should be able to speak thus, and that I was unable to controvert it! We
talked no more about the matter.