On his way to the court, passing along the familiar streets and in the
same carriage, Nekhludoff was himself surprised what a different man
he felt himself to-day.

His marriage to Missy, which but yesterday seemed to be so near,
to-day appeared to him absolutely impossible. Yesterday he understood
his position to be such that there could be no doubt that she would be
happy to marry him; to-day he felt himself unworthy not only of
marrying her, but of being her friend. "If she only knew who I was,
she would never receive me, and yet I taunted her with coquetting with
that gentleman. But no, even if she married me I should never have
peace, even though I were happy, while that one is in jail, and may
any day be sent under escort to Siberia. While the woman whom I have
ruined is tramping the weary road to penal servitude, I will be
receiving congratulations, and paying visits with my young wife. Or I
will be counting the votes for and against school inspection, etc.,
with the marshal, whom I have shamefully deceived, and afterward make
appointments with his wife (what abomination!). Or I will work on my
picture, which will, evidently, never be finished, for I had no
business to occupy myself with such trifles. And I can do neither of
these things now," he said to himself, happy at the inward change
which he felt.

"First of all," he thought, "I must see the lawyer, and then--then see
her in jail--the convict of yesterday--and tell her everything."

And when he thought how he would see her, confess his guilt before
her, how he would declare to her that he would do everything in his
power, marry her in order to wipe out his guilt, he became
enraptured, and tears filled his eyes.