"And the Goverment, this great beneficent Goverment, that looks down
with pity on oncivilized races--the Goverment of the United States sells
and rents this man-eater and soul-destroyer at so much a year.

"If I had my way," sez I, a-gittin' madder and madder the more I thought
on't--

"If I had my way I'd bring over a hull drove of cannibals and
Hottentots, etc., and let 'em camp round Uncle Sam a spell, and try to
reform him.

"And the first thing I would have 'em make that old man do would be to
empty out his pockets, turn 'em right inside out and empty out all the
accursed gains he had got from this shameful traffic. And then I'd have
them cannibals jest trot that old man right round to every saloon and
rum-hole he had rented and wuz a partner in the proceeds, and make him
lay to and empty out every barrel and hogset of whiskey and beer and
cider, and make him do the luggin' and liftin' his own self.

"And then I'd let them Hottentots drive him round a spell to all the
houses of infamy in which he wuz in partnership, and I'd make him haul
some matches out of his pockets and set fire to 'em, and burn 'em all
down, every one of 'em.

"And then I'd let the old man set down and rest a spell, and let them
heathens instruct him and teach him a spell their way of man-eatin'. And
I'll bet after a while they could git the old man up to their level, so
if he sot out to kill a man, he would jest kill him, and not destroy his
soul first. For he hain't upon a level with 'em now," sez I, a-lookin'