"July 18.--I have thought of my family this afternoon, and the
happiness and love with which I might return to them. To leave them,
to give up the thought of living with them again--can I entertain
that idea? Still, I cannot conceive how I can engage in business,
share the practices, and indulge myself with the food and garmenture
(_sic_) of our home and city. To return home, were it possible for
me, would most probably not only stop my progress, but put me back.

"It is useless for me to speculate upon my future. Put dependence on
the spirit which leads me, be faithful to it; work, and leave results
to God. If the question should be asked me, whether I would give up
my kindred and business and follow out this spirit-life, or return
and enjoy them both, I could not hesitate a moment, for they would
not compare--there would be no room for choice. What I do I must do,
for it is not I that do it; it is the spirit. What that spirit may be
is a question I cannot answer, What it leads me to do will be the
only evidence of its character. I feel as impersonal as a stranger to
it. I ask, Who are you? Where are you going to take me? Why me? Why
not some one else? I stand amazed, astonished to see myself. Alas! I
cry, who am I and what does this mean? and I am lost in wonder."

"Saturday, July 21.--Yesterday, after supper, a conversation took
place between Mr. Alcott, Mr. Lane, and myself; the subject was my
position with regard to my family, my duty, and my position here. Mr.
Alcott asked for my first impressions as regards the hindrances I have
noted since coming here. I told him candidly they were: 1st, his want
of frankness; 2d, his disposition to separateness rather than win
co-operators with the aims in his own mind; 3d, his family, who
prevent his immediate plans of reformation; 4th, the fact that this
place has very little fruit on it, while it was and is their desire