realization of the Incarnation of God in Jesus Christ. It is written
in a fine, close hand on a sheet of letter-paper, which it entirely
covers, and bears date January 10, 1843:

"Could I but reveal myself unto myself! What shall I say? Is life
dear to me? No. Are my friends dear to me? I could suffer and die for
them, if need were, but yet I have none of the old attachment for
them. I would clasp all to my heart, love all for their humanity, but
not as relatives or individuals. . . . Lord, if I am to be anything,
I am, of all, most unfit for the task. What shall I do? Whom shall I
cry to but Him who has given me life and planted this spirit in me?
Unto Thee, then, do I cry from the depths of my soul for light to
suffer. If there is anything for me to do, why this darkness all
around me? I ask not to be happy. I will forego, as I always had a
presentiment I must do, all hopes which young men of my age are prone
to picture in their minds. If only I could have a ray of light on my
present condition! O Lord! open my eyes to see the path Thou wouldst
have me walk in. . . .

"Jan. 11.--True life is one continuous prayer, one unceasing
aspiration after the holy. I have no conception of a life insensible
to that which is not above itself lofty. I would not take it on
myself to say I have been 'born again,' but I know that I have passed
from death to life. Things below have no hold upon me further than as
they lead to things above. It is not a moral restraint that I have
over myself, but it is such a change, a conversion of my whole being,
that I have no need of restraint. Temptations still beset me--not
sensual, but of a kind which seek to make me untrue to my life. If I
am not on my guard I become cold. May I always be humble, meek,
prayerful, open to all men. Light, love, and life God is always