direction. These causes still remain. . . .

". . . I feel fully conscious of the importance of making any change
in my life at my present age--giving up those advantages which so
many desire; as well as the necessity of being considerate, prudent,
and slow to decide. I am aware that my future state here, and hence
hereafter, will greatly depend upon the steps I now take, and
therefore I would do nothing unadvised or hastily. I would not
sacrifice eternal for worldly life. At present I wish to live a true
life, desiring nothing external, seeing that things external cannot
procure those things for and in which I live. I do not renounce
things, but feel no inclination for them. All is indifferent to
me--poverty or riches, life or death. I am loosed. But do not on this
account think I am sorrowful; nay, for I have nothing to sorrow for.
Is there no bright hope at a distance which cheers me onward and
beckons me to speed? I dare not say. Sometimes I feel so--it is the
unutterable. Yet I remain contented to be without spring or autumn,
youth or age. One tie has been loosened after another; the dreams of
my youth have passed away silently, and the visions of the future I
then beheld have vanished. I feel awakened as from a dream, and like
a shadow has my past gone by. With the verse at the bottom of the
picture you gave me, I can say:

"'Oh! days that once I used to prize,
Are ye forever gone?
The veil is taken from my eyes,
And now I stand alone.'

"But I would not recall those by-gone days, nor do I stand alone. No!
Out from this life will spring a higher world, of which the past was