prepare a address; whereupon every delegate rose, and pulled a roll uv
manuscript from his left side coat pocket, and sed he had jotted down a
few ijees on the situashn, wich he proposed to present, et settry. This
occasioned another shindy; wen the Chairman remarked "Resolushens," wen
every delegate rose, pulled a roll uv manuscript from his right breast
coat pocket, and sed he hed jotted down a few ijees, wich, etc.

I stood it until some one mentioned me ez Chaplin to the expedition
West, when the pressure becum unendurable. They sposed I was keeper uv
the President's conscience, and I hed not a minit's peece after that. In
vain I ashoored em that, there bein no consciences about the White
House, no one could hold sich a offis; in vain I ashoored em that I hed
no influence with His Majesty. Two-thirds uv em pulled applicashens for
places they wanted from the left breast coat pocket, and insistid on my
takin em, and seem that they was appinted. I told em that I cood do
nuthin for em; but they laft me to skorn. "You are jist the style uv
man," said they, "who hez inflooence with His Eggslency, and yoo must do
it." Hemmed in, there wuz but one way uv escape, and that way I took.
Seezin a carpet sack, wich, by the way, belonged to a delegate (I took
it to give myself the look of a traveler), I rushed to the depot, and
startid home, entirely satisfied that ef Cleveland may be taken as a
sample, the less His Majesty depends on soljers, the better.

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P.M. (wich is Postmaster), and likewise late
Chaplain to the expedishn.

P.S.--I opened the carpet sack on the train, spectin to find a clean
shirt in it, at least. It contained, to my disgust, an address to be
read before the Cleveland Convention, a set uv resolutions, a speech,
and a petition uv the proprietor thereof for a collectorship, signed by