strong 'bulls of Bashan' compass me about! What I fear most, and that
which sometimes comes upon me most awfully, is, that my will is not
properly brought into subjection. * * * Often when clothed with something
of heavenly love, do I feel that I had rather be a door-keeper in the
house of my God, than dwell in king's palaces, but I fear the general
tendency of my pursuits would make me more fit for the latter than the
former. What I want and do most sincerely wish for, is, that I may be
truly humble, and that where pride now reigns, humility may prevail; and
where ambition, contentment."

In 1808, the death of a favourite first cousin appears to have been the
means of greatly deepening her serious impressions, and of increasing the
desire to "relieve herself," as she expresses it, "from the miserable
state of inconsistency in which a gay Friend is situated." A short time
subsequent to this period, she writes:--

May, 1808. "With my father and mother I left the Grove this morning,
with a mind much softened, though not afflicted by parting with those I
love, earnestly wishing that what I was going to attend,--the Yearly
Meeting, might stamp more deeply the impressions I had received. We
reached Epping that night. I felt very serious; Love seemed to have
smitten me, and under that banner, I earnestly hoped that I might be
enabled to partake of whatever might be set before me in the banqueting
house. I saw that it would be right for me to say _thee_, and _thou_, to
everybody, and I begged that I might be so kept in love as to be enabled
to do it,--that love might draw me, not fear terrify me."

"How deeply I felt to enjoy First-day, and was strengthened at meeting.
For the first time, to-day I called the days of the week numerically, on
principle, it cost me at first a blush. This day has afforded me deeper