step toward reformation. I began to think that it was barely possible
I might see better days, and once more hold up my head in society.
Such feelings as these would alternate with gloomy forebodings and
thick coming fancies of approaching ill. At one time hope, and at
another fear, would predominate, but the raging, dreadful, continued
thirst was always present, to torture and tempt me.

After breakfast I proceeded to the shop where I was employed, feeling
dreadfully ill. I determined, however, to put a bold face on the
matter, and, in spite of the cloud which seemed to hang over me,
attempt work. I was exceedingly weak, and fancied, as I almost reeled
about the shop, that every eye was fixed upon me suspiciously, although
I exerted myself to the utmost to conceal my agitation. I was
suffering; and those who have never thus suffered cannot comprehend it.
The shivering of the spine, then flushes of heat, causing every pore of
the body to sting, as if punctured with some sharp instrument; the
horrible whisperings in the ear, combined with a longing cry of the
whole system for stimulants. One glass of brandy would steady my
shaking nerves; I cannot hold my hand still; I cannot stand still. A
young man but twenty-five years of age, and I have no control of my
nerves; one glass of brandy would relieve this gnawing, aching,
throbbing stomach, but I have signed the pledge. "I do agree that I
will not use it; and I must fight it out." How I got through the day I
cannot tell. I went to my employer and said:

"I signed the pledge last night."

"I know you did."

"I mean to keep it."