premium. "Beg your pardon" might serve as a napkin to wipe the stain
from one's honor, but did not touch the question of the greased and
spotted regimentals.

The colonel, swelling with wrath, seized a spoon, and deliberately
dipping it into the gravy, dashed it over Dick's prominent shirt-frill.

All saw the act, and with open eyes and mouth sat in astonished
silence, waiting to see what would be done next. The outraged citizen
calmly laid down his knife and fork, and looked at his frill, the
officer, and the pig, one after another. The colonel, unmindful of the
pallid countenance and significant glances of the burning eye, leaned
back in his chair, with arms akimbo, regarding the young farmer with
cool disdain. A murmur of surprise and indignation arose from the
congregated guests. Dick's face turned red as a turkey-gobbler's. He
deliberately took the pig by the hind legs, and with a sudden whirl
brought it down upon the head of the unlucky officer. Stunned by the
squashing blow, astounded and blinded with streams of gravy and wads of
stuffing, he attempted to rise, but blow after blow from the fat pig
fell upon his bewildered head. He seized a carving-knife and attempted
to defend himself with blind but ineffectual fury, and at length, with a
desperate effort, rose and took to his heels. Dick Hardy, whose wrath
waxed hotter and hotter, followed, belaboring him unmercifully at every
step, around the table, through the hall, and into the street, the crowd
shouting and applauding.

We are sorry to learn that among this crowd were lawyers, sheriffs,
magistrates, and constables; and that even his honor the judge,
forgetting his dignity and position, shouted in a loud voice, "Give it
to him, Dick Hardy! There's no law in Christendom against basting a man