if we were new and had never been seen before; and the air was ever so
sweet, and that long, red line of cloud low down in the purple, and the
elm-trees so heavy and almost black. He put his arm round me, and I
let him.... It seems an age to wait till they come to stay with us next
week. If only Mother likes them, and I can go and stay at Joyfields.
Will she like them? It's all so different to what it would be if they
were ordinary. But if he were ordinary I shouldn't love him; it's
because there's nobody like him. That isn't a loverish fancy--you
only have to look at him against Alan or Uncle Stanley or even Dad.
Everything he does is so different; the way he walks, and the way he
stands drawn back into himself, like a stag, and looks out as if he were
burning and smouldering inside; even the way he smiles. Dad asked me
what I thought of him! That was only the second day. I thought he was
too proud, then. And Dad said: 'He ought to be in a Highland regiment;
pity--great pity!' He is a fighter, of course. I don't like fighting,
but if I'm not ready to, he'll stop loving me, perhaps. I've got to
learn. O Darkness out there, help me! And Stars, help me! O God, make
me brave, and I will believe in you forever! If you are the spirit that
grows in things in spite of everything, until they're like the flowers,
so perfect that we laugh and sing at their beauty, grow in me, too; make
me beautiful and brave; then I shall be fit for him, alive or dead; and
that's all I want. Every evening I shall stand in spirit with him at
the end of that orchard in the darkness, under the trees above the
white flowers and the sleepy cows, and perhaps I shall feel him kiss
me again.... I'm glad I saw that old man Gaunt; it makes what they feel
more real to me. He showed me that poor laborer Tryst, too, the one
who mustn't marry his wife's sister, or have her staying in the house
without marrying her. Why should people interfere with others like that?
It does make your blood boil! Derek and Sheila have been brought up to
be in sympathy with the poor and oppressed. If they had lived in London