time; the child would have been run over and killed; the big, fat
coroner would have come and sat on it and have made us all, who
witnessed the scene, swear over the matter; the poor mother would
have gone to the lunatic asylum; the father would have committed
suicide; the nursery maid would have--obtained another place and
been the death of an indefinite number of other innocent babies;
and last, but not least, I should have been dragged and trampled
upon, my legs and arms broken, and perhaps my head, and so you
would all have had to take care of me--and you know a cross bear
is a pleasanter subject than a sick man."

"Oh, what a chapter of horrors!" exclaimed several ladies in chorus.

"Nevertheless, we would have been equal to the occasion, even if
you had been so dreadfully fractured," said Miss Burton. "We all
would have become your devoted nurses, and each one of us would
have had a separate and infallible remedy, which, out of courtesy,
you would have been compelled to use."

"Oh, bless my soul!" exclaimed Van Berg; "I have had a greater
escape than the child. In being 'at hand' as you express it, Miss
Burton, I am beginning to feel that you have saved me from death
by torture."

"What a compliment to us!" said Miss Burton, appealing to the ladies;
"he regards our ministrations as equivalent to death by torture."

"Oh, pardon me, I referred to the numberless 'separate and infallible
remedies,' the very thought of which curdles my blood."