"Never mind that. Will you, if I tell you of a new profession that, with
a little cleverness and instruction from me, you may bring to a most
successful end--will you, I say, make me a fair return?"

"My dear creature," replied young Protocol, "what nonsense you talk!
I saw that very humbug in the Magazine. You say you have made a great
discovery--very good; you puff your discovery--very right; you ask money
for it--nothing can be more reasonable; and then you say that you intend
to make your discovery public in the next number of the Magazine. Do you
think I will be such a fool as to give you money for a thing which I can
have next month for nothing? Good-by, George my boy; the NEXT discovery
you make I'll tell you how to get a better price for it." And with this
the fellow walked off, looking supremely knowing and clever.

This tale of the person I have called Protocol is not told without a
purpose, you may be sure. In the first place, it shows what are the
reasons that nobody has made application to me concerning the new
professions, namely, because I have passed my word to make them known
in this Magazine, which persons may have for the purchasing, stealing,
borrowing, or hiring, and, therefore, they will never think of applying
personally to me. And, secondly, his story proves also my assertion,
viz, that all professions are most cruelly crowded at present, and that
men will make the most absurd outlay and sacrifices for the smallest
chance of success at some future period. Well, then, I will be a
benefactor to my race, if I cannot be to one single member of it, whom
I love better than most men. What I have discovered I will make known;
there shall be no shilly-shallying work here, no circumlocution, no
bottle-conjuring business. But oh! I wish for all our sakes that I had
had an opportunity to impart the secret to one or two persons only; for,
after all, but one or two can live in the manner I would suggest. And