Ann Eliza was surprised at the strength and steadiness of her
voice. Fortified by its sound she went on, her eyes on Miss
Mellins's baffled countenance: "Mr. Ramy has gone west on a trip--a
trip connected with his business; and Evelina is going to stay with
me till he comes back."


XII


What measure of belief her explanation of Evelina's return
obtained in the small circle of her friends Ann Eliza did not pause
to enquire. Though she could not remember ever having told a lie
before, she adhered with rigid tenacity to the consequences of her
first lapse from truth, and fortified her original statement with
additional details whenever a questioner sought to take her
unawares.

But other and more serious burdens lay on her startled
conscience. For the first time in her life she dimly faced the
awful problem of the inutility of self-sacrifice. Hitherto she had
never thought of questioning the inherited principles which had
guided her life. Self-effacement for the good of others had always
seemed to her both natural and necessary; but then she had taken it
for granted that it implied the securing of that good. Now she
perceived that to refuse the gifts of life does not ensure their
transmission to those for whom they have been surrendered; and her
familiar heaven was unpeopled. She felt she could no longer trust
in the goodness of God, and there was only a black abyss above the
roof of Bunner Sisters.