(Grate applaws. They thought this was one of my
eccentricities, while the fact is I was stuck. This between
you and I.)

I'm a plane man. I don't know nothin about no ded languages
and am a little shaky on livin ones. There4, expect no flowry
talk from me. What I shall say will be to the pint, right
strate out.

I'm not a politician and my other habits air good. I've no
enemys to reward, nor friends to sponge. But I'm a Union man.
I luv the Union--it is a Big thing--and it makes my hart bleed
to see a lot of ornery peple a-movin heaven--no, not heaven,
but the other place--and earth, to bust it up. Toe much good
blud was spilt in courtin and marryin that hily respectable
female the Goddess of Liberty, to git a divorce from her now.
My own State of Injianny is celebrated for unhitchin marrid
peple with neatness and dispatch, but you can't get a divorce
from the Goddess up there. Not by no means. The old gal has
behaved herself too well to cast her off now. I'm sorry the
picters don't give her no shoes or stockins, but the band of
stars upon her hed must continner to shine undimd, forever.
I'm for the Union as she air, and withered be the arm of every
ornery cuss who attempts to bust her up. That's me. I hav
sed! [It was a very sweaty day, and at this pint of the
orashun a man fell down with sunstroke. I told the awjince
that considerin the large number of putty gals present I was
more afraid of a DAWTER STROKE. This was impromptoo, and
seemed to amoose them very much.]