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The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 2: War by Artemus Ward
page 21 of 71 (29%)
company do you speck you can manage to kill durin the war?

Hav you ever heard of Ginral Price of Missouri, and can you
avoid simler accidents in case of a battle?

Have you ever had the measles, and if so, how many?

How air you now?

Show me your tongue, &c., &c. Sum of the questions was
sarcusstical.

The company filled up rapid, and last Sunday we went to the
meetin house in full uniform. I had a seris time gittin into
my military harness, as it was bilt for me many years ago; but
I finally got inside of it, tho' it fitted me putty clost.
Howsever, onct into it, I lookt fine--in fact, aw-inspirin.
"Do you know me, Mrs. Ward?" sed I, walking into the kitchin.

"Know you, you old fool? Of course I do."

I saw at once she did.

I started for the meetin house, and I'm afraid I tried to walk
too strate, for I cum very near fallin over backards; and in
attemptin to recover myself, my sword got mixed up with my
legs, and I fell in among a choice collection of young ladies,
who was standin near the church door a-seein the sojer boys
come up. My cockt hat fell off, and sumhow my coat tales got
twisted round my neck. The young ladies put their
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