I laughed, and passed out without replying. After walking a short
distance I sat down on a stone projecting from a wall. I do not know
what my thoughts were; I sat as if stupefied by the unfaithfulness of one
of whom I had never been jealous, whom I had never had cause to suspect.
What I had seen left no room for doubt; I was felled as if by a stroke
from a club. The only thing I remember doing as I sat there, was looking
mechanically up at the sky, and, seeing a star shoot across the heavens,
I saluted that fugitive gleam, in which poets see a worn-out world, and
gravely took off my hat to it.

I returned to my home very quietly, experiencing nothing, as if deprived
of all sensation and reflection. I undressed and retired; hardly had my
head touched the pillow when the spirit of vengeance seized me with such
force that I suddenly sat bolt upright against the wall as if all my
muscles were made of wood. I then jumped from my bed with a cry of pain;
I could walk only on my heels, the nerves in my toes were so irritated.
I passed an hour in this way, completely beside myself, and stiff as a
skeleton. It was the first burst of passion I had ever experienced.

The man I had surprised with my mistress was one of my most intimate
friends. I went to his house the next day, in company with a young
lawyer named Desgenais; we took pistols, another witness, and repaired to
the woods of Vincennes. On the way I avoided speaking to my adversary or
even approaching him; thus I resisted the temptation to insult or strike
him, a useless form of violence at a time when the law recognized the
code. But I could not remove my eyes from him. He was the companion of
my childhood, and we had lived in the closest intimacy for many years.
He understood perfectly my love for my mistress, and had several times
intimated that bonds of this kind were sacred to a friend, and that he
would be incapable of an attempt to supplant me, even if he loved the