to have all the other regiments laughing at it.

NAPOLEON. (a cold ray of humor striking pallidly across his
gloom). What shall we do with this officer, Giuseppe? Everything
he says is wrong.

GIUSEPPE (promptly). Make him a general, excellency; and then
everything he says will be right.

LIEUTENANT (crowing). Haw-aw! (He throws himself ecstatically on
the couch to enjoy the joke.)

NAPOLEON (laughing and pinching Giuseppe's ear). You are thrown
away in this inn, Giuseppe. (He sits down and places Giuseppe
before him like a schoolmaster with a pupil.) Shall I take you
away with me and make a man of you?

GIUSEPPE (shaking his head rapidly and repeatedly). No, thank
you, General. All my life long people have wanted to make a man
of me. When I was a boy, our good priest wanted to make a man of
me by teaching me to read and write. Then the organist at
Melegnano wanted to make a man of me by teaching me to read
music. The recruiting sergeant would have made a man of me if I
had been a few inches taller. But it always meant making me work;
and I am too lazy for that, thank Heaven! So I taught myself to
cook and became an innkeeper; and now I keep servants to do the
work, and have nothing to do myself except talk, which suits me
perfectly.

NAPOLEON (looking at him thoughtfully). You are satisfied?