full reliance upon my integrity, produced a feeling of suffocation.
Besides, I had worked for a year as few men work. From sunrise until
twelve, one, and two o'clock, I was engaged in the business or
editorial duties appertaining to my enterprise, and to abandon all
after such a struggle was disheartening.

After much deliberation, I concluded that the best thing I could do
was to sell out my list of subscribers to another and more
successful establishment in the city, and, for this purpose, waited
upon the publisher. He heard me, and after I had finished, asked my
terms. I told him fifteen hundred dollars for the list. He smiled,
and said he wouldn't give me five hundred for the whole concern,
debts and all. I got up, put on my hat, and left him with indignant
silence.

To go on was the worst horn for me to grasp in the dilemma in which
I found myself. To stop, would be to do so with some three or four
hundred persons paid in advance, for portions of a year. I was
dunned, daily, by my printer, for money, and in order to meet the
notes which had already fallen due, I had been compelled to borrow
temporarily from my friends. Unable to arrive at any satisfactory
conclusion, in despair, I summoned creditors and friends around me,
and laid before them a full statement of my condition. There were
some long faces at that meeting; but no one felt as I did. I shall
never forget the suffering and mortification of that day, were I to
live a thousand years.

The unanimous determination of the meeting was that I must stop,
collect in the money due, and divide it pro rata among my creditors.
I did so; announcing, at the same time, the heavy embarrassment