is the sole point wherein I have taken leave to dissent from the
famous originals of our age and country. I have observed some
satirists to use the public much at the rate that pedants do a
naughty boy ready horsed for discipline. First expostulate the
case, then plead the necessity of the rod from great provocations,
and conclude every period with a lash. Now, if I know anything of
mankind, these gentlemen might very well spare their reproof and
correction, for there is not through all Nature another so callous
and insensible a member as the world's posteriors, whether you apply
to it the toe or the birch. Besides, most of our late satirists
seem to lie under a sort of mistake, that because nettles have the
prerogative to sting, therefore all other weeds must do so too. I
make not this comparison out of the least design to detract from
these worthy writers, for it is well known among mythologists that
weeds have the pre-eminence over all other vegetables; and therefore
the first monarch of this island whose taste and judgment were so
acute and refined, did very wisely root out the roses from the
collar of the order and plant the thistles in their stead, as the
nobler flower of the two. For which reason it is conjectured by
profounder antiquaries that the satirical itch, so prevalent in this
part of our island, was first brought among us from beyond the
Tweed. Here may it long flourish and abound; may it survive and
neglect the scorn of the world with as much ease and contempt as the
world is insensible to the lashes of it. May their own dulness, or
that of their party, be no discouragement for the authors to
proceed; but let them remember it is with wits as with razors, which
are never so apt to cut those they are employed on as when they have
lost their edge. Besides, those whose teeth are too rotten to bite
are best of all others qualified to revenge that defect with their
breath.