be, amidst all the multiplicity of works, a man of devotional
prayerful habits; how I find from time to time that I wake up to the
fact that while I am doing more than I did in old times, yet that I
pray less. How often I think that "God gives" habitually to the
Bishop "all that sail with him;" that the work is prospering in his
hands; but will it prosper in mine? I know He can use any instrument
to His glory: I know that, and that He will not let my sins and
shortcomings hinder His projects of love and blessing to these
Melanesian islanders; but as far as purity of motive, and a spirit of
prayer and self-denial do go for anything in making up the
qualification on the human side for such an office--in so far, do
they exist in me? You will say I am over sensitive and expect too
much. That, I think, very likely may be true. It is useless to wait
till one becomes really fit, for that of course I never shall be.
But while I believe most entirely that grace does now supply all our
deficiencies when we seek it fully, I do feel frightened when I see
that I do not become more prayerful, more real in communion with God.
This is what I must pray for earnestly: to become more prayerful,
more constantly impressed with the necessity of seeking for
everything from Him.

'You all think that absence from relations, living upon yams, want of
the same kind of meat and drink that I had at home, that these things
are proofs of sincerity, &c. I believe that they all mean just
nothing when the practical result does not come to this--that a man
is walking more closely with his God. I dare not say that I can feel
humbly and reverently that my inner life is progressing. I don't
think that I am as earnest in prayer as I was. Whether it be the
effect of the amount of work distracting me; or, sometimes, of
physical weariness, or of the self-indulgence (laugh as you may)