notice. And I'm afraid you'll think it rather infra dig.

RIDGEON. Oh, I have an open mind. What was the secret?

SCHUTZMACHER. Well, the secret was just two words.

RIDGEON. Not Consultation Free, was it?

SCHUTZMACHER [shocked] No, no. Really!

RIDGEON [apologetic] Of course not. I was only joking.

SCHUTZMACHER. My two words were simply Cure Guaranteed.

RIDGEON [admiring] Cure Guaranteed!

SCHUTZMACHER. Guaranteed. After all, thats what everybody wants
from a doctor, isnt it?

RIDGEON. My dear loony, it was an inspiration. Was it on the
brass plate?

SCHUTZMACHER. There was no brass plate. It was a shop window:
red, you know, with black lettering. Doctor Leo Schutzmacher,
L.R.C.P.M.R.C.S. Advice and medicine sixpence. Cure Guaranteed.

RIDGEON. And the guarantee proved sound nine times out of ten,
eh?

SCHUTZMACHER [rather hurt at so moderate an estimate] Oh, much