your actions, and when words are all that are left me, to shew my
resentment of such actions, I will not promise to forbear the strongest
expressions that my distressed mind shall suggest to me: nor shall your
angriest frowns deter me, when my honesty is in question.

What, then, said he, do you beg pardon for? Where is the promise of
amendment, for which I should forgive you? Indeed, sir, said I, I own
that must absolutely depend on your usage of me: for I will bear any
thing you can inflict upon me with patience, even to the laying down of
my life, to shew my obedience to you in other cases; but I cannot be
patient, I cannot be passive, when my virtue is at stake! It would be
criminal in me, if I was.

He said, he never saw such a fool in his life. And he walked by the side
of me some yards, without saying a word, and seemed vexed; and at last
walked in, bidding me attend him in the garden, after dinner. So having
a little time, I went up, and wrote thus far.


Wednesday night.

If, my dear parents, I am not destined more surely than ever for ruin, I
have now more comfort before me than ever I yet knew: and am either
nearer my happiness, or my misery, than ever I was. God protect me from
the latter, if it be his blessed will! I have now such a scene to open
to you, that, I know, will alarm both your hopes and your fears, as it
does mine. And this it is:

After my master had dined, he took a turn into the stables, to look at
his stud of horses; and, when he came in, he opened the parlour-door,