goodness.

What shall I do, what steps take, if all this be designing--O the
perplexities of these cruel doubtings!--To be sure, if he be false, as I
may call it, I have gone too far, much too far!--I am ready, on the
apprehension of this, to bite my forward tongue (or rather to beat my
more forward heart, that dictated to that poor machine) for what I have
said. But sure, at least, he must be sincere for the time!--He could not
be such a practised dissembler!--If he could, O how desperately wicked is
the heart of man!--And where could he learn all these barbarous arts?--If
so, it must be native surely to the sex!--But, silent be my rash
censurings; be hushed, ye stormy tumults of my disturbed mind! for have I
not a father who is a man?--A man who knows no guile! who would do no
wrong!--who would not deceive or oppress, to gain a kingdom!--How then
can I think it is native to the sex? And I must also hope my good lady's
son cannot be the worst of men!--If he is, hard the lot of the excellent
woman that bore him!--But much harder the hap of your poor Pamela, who
has fallen into such hands!--But yet I will trust in God, and hope the
best: and so lay down my tired pen for this time.


Thursday morning.

Somebody rapped at our chamber-door this morning, soon after it was
light: Mrs. Jewkes asked, who it was? My master said, Open the door,
Mrs. Jewkes! O, said I, for God's sake, Mrs. Jewkes, don't! Indeed,
said she, but I must. Then, said I, and clung about her, let me slip on
my clothes first. But he rapped again, and she broke from me; and I was
frightened out of my wits, and folded myself in the bed-clothes. He
entered, and said, What, Pamela, so fearful, after what passed yesterday