LETTER XVI


MY DEAR PARENTS,

I know you longed to hear from me soon; and I send you as soon as I
could.

Well, you may believe how uneasily I passed the time, till his appointed
hour came. Every minute, as it grew nearer, my terrors increased; and
sometimes I had great courage, and sometimes none at all; and I thought I
should faint when it came to the time my master had dined. I could
neither eat nor drink, for my part; and do what I could, my eyes were
swelled with crying.

At last he went up to the closet, which was my good lady's dressing-room;
a room I once loved, but then as much hated.

Don't your heart ache for me?--I am sure mine fluttered about like a new-
caught bird in a cage. O Pamela, said I to myself, why art thou so
foolish and fearful? Thou hast done no harm! What, if thou fearest an
unjust judge, when thou art innocent, would'st thou do before a just one,
if thou wert guilty? Have courage, Pamela, thou knowest the worst! And
how easy a choice poverty and honesty is, rather than plenty and
wickedness.

So I cheered myself; but yet my poor heart sunk, and my spirits were
quite broken. Everything that stirred, I thought was to call me to my
account. I dreaded it, and yet I wished it to come.