had laughed at me, and I always felt as it were an inward drawing
towards the scholars of the grammar school, whom I regarded as far
better than other boys. When I saw them playing in the church-yard, I
would stand outside the railings, and wish that I were but among the
fortunate ones,--not for the sake of play, but for the sake of the many
books they had, and for what they might be able to become in the world.
With the prevost, therefore, I should be able to come together with
them, and be as they were; but I do not remember a single one of them
now, so little intercourse would they hold with me. I had daily the
feeling of having thrust myself in where people thought that I did not
belong. One young girl, however, there was, and one who was considered
too of the highest rank, whom I shall afterwards have to mention; she
always looked gently and kindly at me, and even once gave me a rose. I
returned home full of happiness, because there was one being who did
not overlook and repel me.

An old female tailor altered my deceased father's great coat into a
confirmation suit for me; never before had I worn so good a coat. I had
also for the first time in my life a pair of boots. My delight was
extremely great; my only fear was that everybody would not see them,
and therefore I drew them up over my trousers, and thus marched through
the church. The boots creaked, and that inwardly pleased me, for thus
the congregation would hear that they were new. My whole devotion was
disturbed; I was aware of it, and it caused me a horrible pang of
conscience that my thoughts should be as much with my new boots as with
God. I prayed him earnestly from my heart to forgive me, and then again
I thought about my new boots.

During the last year I had saved together a little sum of money. When I
counted it over I found it to be thirteen rix dollars banco (about