47. BEN FRANKLIN'S OYSTERS

Benjamin Franklin was not unlike other boys in his love for sophomoric
phrases. It is related that one day he told his father that he had
swallowed some acephalus molluscus, which so alarmed him that he shrieked
for help. The mother came in with warm water, and forced half a gallon
down Benjamin's throat with the garden pump, then held him upside down,
the father saying, "If we don't get those things out of Bennie he'll be
poisoned sure." When Benjamin was allowed to get his breath he explained
that the articles referred to were oysters. His father was so indignant
that he whipped him for an hour for frightening the family. Franklin never
afterward used a word with two syllables when a monosyllable would do.


48. FAMILY AFFAIRS

"Newlywed seems to find particular delight in parading his little family
affairs before the eyes of his acquaintances," "Does he? What are they?
Scandals?" "Nop, twins."


49. A BURGLAR'S EXPERIENCE

A New York paper prints this extract from the reminiscences of a retired
burglar:

"I think about the most curious man I ever met," said the retired burglar,
"I met in a house in eastern Connecticut, and I shouldn't know him, either,
if I should meet him again unless I should hear him speak. It was so dark