you on Mount Vesuvius would suit them a great deal better than a lecture by
you in this village."


64. BRAGGING VETERANS

In warning veterans against exaggerating, a gentleman at a Washington
banquet related the following anecdote of a Revolutionary veteran, who,
having outlived nearly all his comrades, and being in no danger of
contradiction, rehearsed his experience thuswise: "In that fearful day at
Monmouth, although entitled to a horse, I fought on foot. With each blow
I severed an Englishman's head from his body, until a huge pile of heads
lay around me, great pools of blood on either side, and my shoes were so
full of the same dreadful fluid that my feet slipped beneath me. Just then
I felt a touch upon my shoulder, and, looking up, who should I behold but
the great and good Washington himself! Never shall I forget the majesty and
dignity of his presence, as, pressing his hand upon me, he said, 'My young
friend, restrain yourself, and for heaven's sake do not make a
slaughter-house of yourself.'"


65. EXCHANGING MINDS

Heinrich Heine, the German poet, apologizing for feeling dull after a visit
from a professor said: "I am afraid you find me very stupid. The fact is,
Dr. ---- called upon me this morning, and _we exchanged our minds_."


66. BUYING A LAWYER