It is significant of a radical change in manners that such rules can
be laid down, because formerly the question could not have arisen. The
grandfather of Apollodorus, who was the flower of courtesy, could no more
have smoked with a lady with whom he was walking or driving than he could
have attended her without a coat or collar. Yet manners change, and the
grandfather must not insist that those of his time were best because they
were those of his time. It is but a little while since that a gentleman
who appeared at a party without gloves would have been a "queer" figure.
But now should he wear gloves he would be remarked as unfamiliar with good
usage.

It does not argue a decline of courtesy that the Grandisonian compliment
and the ineffable bending over a lady's hand and respectful kissing of the
finger-tips have yielded to a simpler and less stately manner. The woman
of the minuet was not really more respected than the woman of the waltz.
However the word gentlemanly may be defined, it will not be questioned
that the quality which it describes is sympathetic regard for the feelings
of others and the manner which evinces it. The manner, of course, may be
counterfeited and put to base uses. To say that Lovelace has a gentlemanly
manner is not to say that he is a gentleman, but only that he has caught
the trick of a gentleman. To call him or Robert Macaire or Richard Turpin a
gentleman is to say only that he behaves as a gentleman behaves. But he is
not a gentleman, unless that word describes manners and nothing more.

This is the key to the question of Apollodorus. It is not easy to define a
gentleman, but it is perfectly easy to see that in his pleasures and in the
little indifferent practices of society the gentleman will do nothing which
is disagreeable to others. He certainly will not assume that a personal
gratification or indulgence must necessarily be pleasant to others, nor