"'Sir, I have been very sick and lost many pounds.'

"'I see, Yukteswar, {FN12-9} you made yourself unwell, and now you
think you are thin.'

"This reply was far from the one I had expected; my guru, however,
added encouragingly:

"'Let me see; I am sure you ought to feel better tomorrow.'

"Taking his words as a gesture of secret healing toward my receptive
mind, I was not surprised the next morning at a welcome accession
of strength. I sought out my master and exclaimed exultingly, 'Sir,
I feel much better today.'

"'Indeed! Today you invigorate yourself.'

"'No, master!' I protested. 'It was you who helped me; this is the
first time in weeks that I have had any energy.'

"'O yes! Your malady has been quite serious. Your body is frail
yet; who can say how it will be tomorrow?'

"The thought of possible return of my weakness brought me a shudder
of cold fear. The following morning I could hardly drag myself to
Lahiri Mahasaya's home.

"'Sir, I am ailing again.'